It may seem to you that anyone who speaks of God is on the same page as you. Or you may learn, as I did, that often those who invoke the name of God as a Source of Inspiration for their motives, may have corrupted intent.
I found this concept difficult. In fact, I failed to even consider it possible that when Sheik Jamal spoke to me in those terms that he wasn't REALLY speaking for God, literally. But just generally. Or maybe, with mixed motives.
It never occurred to me that someone with titles and uniforms and respect throughout his community might be operating from motives touched with ignorance and greed.
Yet, after many years of experience and reflection, this is my conclusion.
Moreover, the case gets worse the further one goes into the 'succession', if one can call it that. I mean the select few of Sidi's followers who seek to assume some form of leadership after his passing.
Some of these operate out of a desire for money or for psychic control over others.
And more specifically, I believe some may derive some satisfaction merely from 'passing the word on' regarding THEIR interpretation of Sidi's Teachings.
But in most, if not all cases, there is a requirement that the 'recruit' give up their 'old' identity. And take on a 'new' identity. Leaving all that came before. ESPECIALLY the painful stuff--failed relationships, childhood traumas, chemical addictions, etc.
Sometimes, it is wise to stop 'beating yourself up'. At least for a season.
Sometimes one's pain becomes overwhelming. One needs to 'give it a rest'
Eventually, however, the Past has to be reconciled with the Present. Or, as Bill Wilson, the co-founder of AA, says, "We will not dwell on the Past nor wish to shut the door on it".
That is, as Bill Wilson so perceptively understood it, "Our Recovery will be incomplete if we forget or try to 'forget' who we were/are".
At least twice in my life, I have joined 'cults'. I got a new name, new clothes, new foods, new friends, new ideologies.
It was the same in the Hare Krishna Movement as in the Shadhili Order.
The dynamics were similar. I was asked to transcend the person I thought I was.
But what I ended up doing was simply substituting a new 'personality mask' for the old one.
In the case of the Hare Krishna's, my journey was complete in 8-9 months from when I first encountered a group of devotees at my college campus, joined them in the Los Angeles Temple, travelled across the country in a van on a College Recruitment Mission, ended up at the HK School in Dallas, and from boredom and discontent, flew home to the Bay Area on my parents' dime.
With Sidi Sheik Muhammad, my course was more elongated. In fact, after 40+ years, its still not over.
Sidi is dead, but my first wife and mother of my children still lives to pass on what she feels is the proper version of his message.
So far as I can understand, her own story of spiritual transformation is missing.
And this is what is ultimately so disturbing to me about cultic religion--it doesn't encourage actual personal transformation.
Rather, it substitutes the adoption of rituals, worship of the Founder, and most important of all, the induction of NEW disciples as confirmation of one's own superior 'walking' of the Path.
Along the way, newcomers eagerly adopt the exotic Arabic accouterments and dress of Sufis. In this way, people mimic personal transformation.
This is what I see in those, including my Ex, who seek to rise to be 'Influences' in the Fuqara. They look for newcomers, just as Sidi did, to bolster their own sense of importance or prestige. Or perhaps to continuously re-confirm that they made the correct choice of 'abandoning' their 'old' lives. Rather than bringing them along as collegues, or just 'for the ride'.
As a way to win financial gain, sexual favors, or perhaps some more ethereal goal of feeling they are a Guide themselves.
To try to put to rest the nagging sense that their lives are meaningless.
True change should, to my mind, include the option of lovingly bringing forward the discarded, hidden, painful pieces of one's earlier self.
.png)
