Conclusion

This is just one person's story. There are plenty of others if you search Sidi's full name and include words like 'scandal, money, cult, followers,' etc. in your search. Some of them praise him, and many scold him. 

I tend to find the scandalous ones believable because he used the same methods in America in the 2010s that he did in Palestine in the 1980's.

There was, and is, a lot of joy in my life around the children I was given through marriage to Aisha. I might not have had children otherwise, and that would have been a shame. 

I had memorable experiences with Teresa. Including our private trip to Paris, my first.  Dad did pretty well as the Tour Guide. 

However, since, like most men, I was too embarrassed to ask for directions, we covered all the important destinations on foot. Which, in a later moment of humorous reflection, she called, 'The Paris Death March!'

We also went on a memorable trip through Vermont, Maine, and New Hampshire to explore her college options. Elton John's Yellow Brick Road was our soundtrack. I loved Portland, ME, Burlington, VT, and especially the nearby Ben and Jerry's factory tour.

AND we enjoyed a wonderful trip, with her mom aboard, of the highlights of Rome, especially the Vatican—where we stayed in a cute pensione run by lovely Italian nuns—Florence, where, after a noisy night in the town center, we evacuated to the quiet and ancient suburb of Fiesole—and finally, Assisi. 

St Francis was formerly one of Aisha's heroes. There, we saw His and Sister Claire's tombs, as well as especially the venerable original 800-year-old monk's Refectory where the Blessed Saint had shared his meals with his disciples. It felt like a trip back to an earlier, yet Eternal, place in time It was possibly the most spiritual place I'd ever been! (And I've been to a LOT of Western pilgrimage places--Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Fatima, Lourdes, St. Peter's, the Virgin of Guadalupe's Cathedral. And countless less well-known places in Southeast Asia! )

We'd also shared trips back to Jerusalem with Ibrahim. He was an absolutely gorgeous little boy, and later pictures of him meeting the Arab merchants and camels are priceless to me. (Where are those?)

And yet, from the moment we closed down our first house in Walnut Creek, there has been, and still is, an air of sadness and unreality about everything that happened. This is due to our loss of a shared sense of being together on a mission of some kind. From that day, I think part of me gave up. 

Since our divorce, I frequently felt my children weren't permitted to embrace a loving relationship with me--their fear of hurting their mom's feelings.  Ibrahim actually boycotted my second marriage, much to my disappointment.

I lost a lot of confidence in myself as a father--a confidence which wasn't that great. Aisha automatically made crucial decisions concerning their welfare be made, at least after she left me. She made some good ones for Zooey but some exceptionally awful ones for Ibrahim.

 I'm still trying to get my son to love me. (I'm sure he does, in his heart of hearts. It's just been a rough patch for the last several years). As I see it, he was totally in the middle, 11 years old, when we split up, and of necessity, he had to go with his mom.

At first, he tried to reconcile it all and be balanced with both of us. He ended up taking his mom's side by default. Yet it has left him with relentless fears and an inability to function easily with other people. He seems bottled up inside himself and afraid to share what's inside. (Gee, where did THAT come from)?

He actually has terrific abilities and talents but is also frequently cut down by depression and substance addictions.

The complex process of sorting out what information to give to which person is particularly challenging for Ibrahim, the most affected of my kids. I need to figure out how to honor his legitimate love for his mom while making him aware of her substantial emotional unavailability.

Even at this late date, the three of us could go to therapy and try to sort out his issues with him. At least the issues that pertain to his issues with his parents.

I've begged Aisha to join that effort. Has she responded yet? What do you think? Of course not. The bias against therapy is still in place, and I just have to accept that—not rant and rail against it.

But WHO doesn't believe in therapy these days? I think it might be those who are afraid they will find out their mental and emotional problems are EVEN WORSE than they imagine them to be.

They're afraid DOUBTS about their SANITY might rise up!  

Well, Goodnight Nurse. Fear of Insanity is probably a GOOD THING because you could learn how to lead your life to avoid it, e.g., with impeccable morals and deeply felt humility, fearlessness, gratitude, mindfulness, and kindness for all!

These can become actual daily practices. In fact, they are found in many Buddhist and Christian lineages.

When people are religiously addicted, it's not easy to break into their bubble. And the more years they've committed to their beliefs, the harder it is to change, I expect.

I try to accept that things happen to us for a purpose or because of some long-ago trauma or perhaps even past-life karma. Or too many negative experiences piled up upon each other.

Most of the time, we're unaware that the way OUT is to 'fake it 'till you make it'. Or to 'Act As If'. You visualize the goal and eventually achieve it...AS LONG AS IT IS GOOD!!

As Ram Dass has often said, "No matter WHAT the situation is, the best thing I can do is work on myself."

The only person I can ever hope to change is me.

Thus, 'defeating' Sidi, who has already passed on, will not help me overcome the fundamental greed, anger, stupidity, and other negative characteristics we tend to develop.

There's a method to do that. Lord Buddha figured them out 2500 years ago, and I have discovered many local sources of friendly help for that project.

The best I can ultimately hope for here is that I will hereafter have 'externalized' all the secrets I've been hiding. And I genuinely hope no one has been damaged in reading them.

Terrifying and insurmountable environmental problems are coming our way.  

The world seems like it is terminally broken. Climate change threatens to set the world on fire.

We must reach out and comfort and support each other as best we can,  Feed the hungry, and clothe the naked. Avoid killing, shaming, and hating.

In any case, we will each face old age, sickness, sorrow, and death.  In the modern West, we've pushed that awareness to the side. We try to forget about it, distract ourselves from it. Yet, the evidence of Impermanence is all around us.

And in using our cleverness and the unrestrained urge for 'progress,' we've accidentally just raised the odds to unsustainable levels. We're on a precipice, folks. Individually and collectively.

Let's use the angels of our better natures to find meaning and purpose. Let's work on acceptance. Let's love and be loved without hesitation. Let's meditate, pray, and join in the general dance!!

Thank you for sharing my journey. I welcome your comments and helpful suggestions.

ADDENDUM: 

(Just leaving this bit here until I can edit and/or find another place to put it)

I had the opportunity to reevaluate and see if any good things came out of what appeared to be a catastrophe.  

In my case, I first had a lovely adoptive daughter, whom I live near and love today.  I couldn't be happier with her achievements and work ethic   She has told me many times how glad she was to have been able to move to Northern California through my marriage to her mom.

Winnipeg's cold winter temperatures are astonishing; if you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, they can be fatal. It's a small city with relatively few cultural activities. Apparently, our marriage stabilized her mom, who had been a bit of a rolling stone before marrying me. 

So, to her, the marriage was a GREAT thing.  She built lifelong friends in Marin County and was also able to help her sister with her adolescent growing pains.  There was a big age differential, so she was like a second mom to Zooey.

Teresa gave us two lovely grandchildren.  She is a light of love and happiness to many people and a gifted artist and theater director.

Zooey is a highly competent and motivated nurse specializing in home health care for the elderly. She is also the model of a loving mother to my two adorable grandsons. I visit them freely for three weeks, happy weeks out of the year in Europe.

My son is troubled at the moment but also very intelligent and creative. He's much like me, so I feel it deeply when he has troubles.  I wish I could change things for him, but I'm still glad that we enjoyed bringing him up together, and I know from my own case that addiction can be arrested.

All these experiences kept me in the flow of Life. 

Having children makes one connected to Life.  It instantly cuts out the option of suicide, for example. Or should. 

It also makes one more willing to put one's nose to the grindstone and try to act in THEIR interest rather than one's own.

If I hadn't married Aisha, I certainly would not have had the same children as I do today.  There's a deep irony there.

As his guru, Maharaji, said to him, "Ram Dass!  Can't you see it's all PERFECT!?"

So that's my default; you can't second-guess what has already happened.  I hope anyone reading this doesn't make the same mistakes I did.   

"Look before you leap, and then, after that, accept your Fate." 

That was the message the imam gave us at our marriage. At that point, it would be too late to look back, but we did a tolerable job of accepting—14 years' worth.

Today, I'm free to be as Buddhist as I want to be, undeterred by whether or not it pleases a partner.  While I rarely make it to my old Buddhist haunts, it's good to know I can—and will.

 And, OMG, I have a new sangha in Refuge Recovery that skillfully combines Theravada Buddhism with Recovery.  It brings me such joy.

I also have my beautiful AA, my church, and some kind of higher power I can't put into words.  But it is a kind of Friendly Felt presence, some Guide on high—maybe the 'still small voice' the Bible talks about.

One of my biggest lessons is I can't suppress myself to supposedly please somebody else.  I end up feeling frustrated and taking it out on them in some underhanded, slippery way like I did with my drinking and carousing to 'get back' at Aisha and her cultic preoccupations. 

When I could have just walked down my OWN PATH and let the chips fall where they may.  What was drinking at the problem gonna do?  The fact is, I just fell for my baser instincts because I felt justified.

You have to love yourself.  It sounds easy, but it takes a lot of practice.  We think we have to be perfect, but we don't.  'All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.'

We can have most of the virtues we want to have—they just take practice.  For almost everyone, Repentance.  Confession.  The Fourth, Fifth, Eighth, and Tenth Steps.

We will fail often, but that doesn't mean we're failures.  The self is just a concept held together by rubber bands and glue.  It doesn't even exist in the way we think it does.

We can serve as examples, no matter how far down on the scale we have fallen.  Someone else may need to hear EXACTLY how somebody like us, who thought they were a failure or a hopeless alcoholic, got better.  NOT by being a 'success,' but by accepting themselves and others, JUST AS THEY ARE.

All the major religions can be helpful if one takes them with a grain of salt.  As the saying goes, "Take what you want and leave the rest."

A belief system that depends on another human being to make decisions FOR YOU and that you really need to take responsibility for yourself will doom you to disconnectedness from the world, which is also part of the Divine Reality.

I'm glad I got to know Aisha at least a BIT more before I married her.  It was good that we met each other's parents first, as this gives one a sense of where the other person is coming from.

That may be why our marriage lasted 14 years rather than a few weeks.